Lesson 241: IT IS NOT MY TIME TO KNOW

Army of Tennessee Chaplain David Chaltas

IT IS NOT MY TIME TO KNOW

During Thunder on the Mountains, a reenactment of the 145th anniversary of the 1864 Battle of Pound Gap at Jenkins, KY, I was visiting with two dear friends around the camp fire. We began talking of previous events and John K. shared with me something that I cannot fathom in terms of grief. From the tragic brutal murder of his beloved twenty year old daughter came a realization so wondrous and beautiful that I asked him if I could share it. In his deepest despair, he found the key in dealing with some of the ‘whys’ we occasionally ask of our God. He had not shared this with me before that evening and had carried it with him for over five years. He graciously gave me permission to do so. This is my recollection of what he shared that night.

I first met John at the reenactment known as Wildcat. It is held on the third weekend of October each year and honors the battle that took place on the Wilderness Road between Union and Confederate forces. Each year they have a dedication on top of the mountain were the main battle took place.

I recall being introduced to John and his lovely wife by the captain of the Fifth Kentucky Orphan Brigade. I was immediately drawn to them but could not grasp the motive. In fact I remember being led to give them a book of poetry for some unknown reason. I vividly recall him asking if I was going to assist in the dedication the next day, and I stated I was helping with the service. He possessed such a yearning look upon his face but did not say anything.

The time came when we were to dedicate the monument and we all got into our vehicles for the ride. I arrived early, as I was asked to offer a prayer and dedication with a local parson. John found me and was hesitant at first to ask me a question. Finally he stated that his daughter who had been brutally murdered was buried just a few hundred feet from the monument and after the dedication, would I help in a memorial service for her. Looking into his eyes, I saw the pain of a lost one and the desperate plea of a parent needing to show his love to his departed daughter. How could anyone refuse to assist? It was one of the most humbling honors I have ever had.

After the dedication, several of us marched up and offered a salute to the fallen young person with words that were meant to heal the hurt, a volley to carry our message to heaven and to share our shoulder in an effort to ease the burden. There were tears and there were sobs. All left the hill somber and reflective.

After I came off the mountain, I thought of their pain and I prayed. I asked God to guide my words for the church service. I did not discuss my direction with anyone, for I felt God would place on my heart, what I needed to say. Other chaplains were having service. In fact there were four others and none were working together to develop a sermon.

I knew that John was suffering and struggling with the loss of his daughter but I was unaware as to the depths of his anguish. Unbeknownst to me, he was angry at God and questioning Him. On that night he shared the following with me. He stated that he was in torment with the loss and was so angry with God. Yes, he was a born again Christian but why would God allow such a thing happen to any child and why did his have to be taken in such a brutal manner? Why God would you do such a thing? He was seeking an answer.

John stated that he wrestled with the devil in his mind and to seek relieve he went to the 9:00 service. The lay parson was offering a sermon on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. After that service he went to another, a total of 4 in all and to his amazement ALL preachers, chaplains and lay parsons were preaching about the seasons of life. The Birds sang of it. “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war; and a time of peace.”

After the service, John stated that the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. God was answering his questions. It was not his time to know. But there will come a time when all things are revealed and loved ones will be reunited once again. It happens in a twinkling of an eye and all the suffering of this world will be erased and in its place will come eternal bliss. The peace that passeth all understanding found its mark. Sure there would be times of remorseful reflection and sorrow. But in that time would also be the peace in knowing that someday all things will be revealed by the Great Immortal, as we gather together in unison dancing for joy in the presence of our Creator.

It happened again not too long ago. John was talking to a new recruit with the Fifth Kentucky that had heard of his loss. For some reason the new friend came to him and told him that the man who committed the crime would be punished. Why he said that, John could not explain. A few weeks later John went to a store where a friend worked and was talking. Somehow the subject came up about his daughter and the clerk looked at him in a peculiar manner. ‘You haven’t heard have you? The man who did such a crime against your daughter is doing hard time.” Again he felt the brushing of an angel’s wings, as he once again realized that God works in mysterious ways.

That night around the campfire, my eyes yielded tears of gratitude for dear friends and the dearest of Redeemers. Someday my questions will all be answered. Someday I will understand the ‘whys’ and see beyond that turbid shroud. Someday in due time, all the answers to life’s riddles will be placed within the confines of my mind. But today is not that time. Today is not that day. Today I must anchor myself on the rock and praise Him in the storm, trusting, believing and accepting God’s words as the infallible truths of the universe. Today I accept God’s will as General Lee stated so many times. Today I yield to Lee’s words when he stated at Marye’s Heights after a cannon exploded, knocking him and others down to the ground: “Gentlemen it not our time.” Today I must cling to the peace that passeth all understanding, for today is not my time to know. Waiting on my time to know, I remain humbled by His mercies, the old general